I’m so sorry – please let me explain…

 

 

I have a confession to make – I started this website too soon. I started it before I personally had any real idea about what fitness motivation really means – deep down  – when you really have to draw upon it.

Don’t get me wrong – I THOUGHT I knew!  😀

But I was wrong. I had never really needed to struggle for workout motivation, its always been pretty easy for me – well, since I realised how much better I felt living a healthy lifestyle. All I have been doing was to think about how great fitness makes me feel and… tada!…. I want to go workout. I love working out, its a great feeling for me. Its something that I would do out of choice because of how it feels at the time and then the after effects that I feel. Because of that I have never really had to force myself to go to the gym when I don’t feel like it.

Also I have never had a problem with my weight or with body fat. I have always been happy with how I look, how clothes fit and how I feel within myself and my own body image. So I have never really had to stick to a strict diet with an end goal in mind, I have never had to feel like I am denying myself something I really want for something that I really want MORE!

Yes, I have dieted and workout out for a photoshoot but to be honest I didn’t try all that hard, I didn’t have a training plan or nutrition plan, I didn’t really think about what I ate before workouts etc and I wasn’t overly happy with the results. Being a positive person I pushed it to one side and didn’t dwell on the fact that I didn’t get abs. It just blended in to being just one of those things – not really a big deal, and I was able to get on with my healthy and fit lifestyle being happy, contented and hoping to help others to feel the same.

I guess its my positive body image, bright outlook on situations and general love of life that has meant that I have not actually really had to dig deep for motivation or inspiration and never had to make tough decisions or be hard on myself.

Well thats all changing now – oh yes!

12 weeks ago I made a sudden decision to enter a bikini competition. Goodness knows why I thought that would be a good idea, I mean there is barely time to prepare for it in 12 weeks so its not the most sesible thing I have done. I could potentially be setting myself up for failure BUT I did it.

I was sick of not knowing what it takes, not knowing if I could and really not being the person that I wished I was (Bridget with abs!!)

So I signed up with a specialised online trainer who is very experienced. I gave her my measurements, my current eating habits, my current gym habits and my massive (possibly unrealistic!) goal. She agreed to help me with a personalised nutrition and training plan, designed to get me where I want to be in the limited time I gave myself!

And that is when my whole outlook on fitness motivation and self control with eating changed. Completely.

Suddenly everything I have written about became true for me. Suddenly I was faced with having to cook ALL my meals the night before, weigh and measure all quantities, cycle my macronutrients, go to the gym when I didn’t feel like it, get up at stupid o’clock to fit in my workout, eat breakfast before I was ready, stuff myself with meat and generally force myself to do (or not to do) things that I desired.

OMG!

I have been transported to a whole new world! I am experiencing thougts I have never had before – self doubt and fear of failure being the main one. Horrible!

Even though I know that this is what I want to do and that I really have to look great on that stage in April it seems that there are times when everything is conspiring against me. Well I will rephrase that – when every part of ME is conspiring against me!

I have had to turn down dessert in front of friends and managed it and then on another occaision I didn’t – how did that happen?

I have had to leave the biscuits alone, which has been sometimes easy and sometimes actually impossible and I ate one (well three) of them – why did that happen?

I have had to drag myself out of bed, some days feeling tough and other days still lying there ten minutes later knowing that I am going to have to run to the gym now or miss out on putting my make up on – why would I do that?

Doubts, doubts, doubts…

And then there have been the reactions from others – sometimes surprising! I had no idea that some people I respect would find the idea “appaling” or that there would be family members who don’t agree with the concept of bikini and bodybuilding competitions. Now I know much more about whether it is ok to discuss your goals!

I had to write this post to say that I had no idea how hard it can be. Although I knew all about the theory behind it all and I have written a book on goal setting and achieving success, I had not had to put the ideas properly into practice myself. Sad but true, I had not completely experienced how it truly feels and to some extent I still haven’t.

I know that this will get more extreme. I know that I have so much more to go through and to fight for.

I can see that now and for that I wanted to write this post, as an explanation and I guess to say sorry  :-(

Its hard to admit when you have made a mistake but its also kinda good to admit it because then you are free to learn and to move onwards and upwards, and that is what I am doing now and through that I hope to be able to share much more insightful posts with you guys. And also I hope to be able to help as many of you as possible to achieve really amazing goals and to do things that you never thought you could – because thats what I believe in.

No matter what anyone says YOU are the master of your own life and whatever you dream about can be yours – don’t let anyone stop you.

 

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