So if you have read my last post you will know that I am currently training and eatin g to compete in my very first bikini contest in April. Training, nutrition, motivation, determination and focus are at the forefront of my mind all day, every day. I live and breath fitness motivation at the moment – its like everything I do somehow illustrates one of my blog posts or informs me of another subject I could write about. There is no end to the fascination in my mind – this is such a journey.
I am half-way now and apart from the changes to my body (which to be fair are less dramatic than I had hoped!) there have been massive changes in my mindset, my attitude and my whole approach to the way I think about my life.
Seriously? Can only 6 weeks of preparation for a bikini show really change me as a person?
Well, maybe I was ready to change or maybe its just a progression of who I was anyway and I am reading too much into it but what I do know is that I FEEL different and that I think of myself differently. So even if I haven’t outwardly changed to those around me, because my opinion of myself has changed, well I feel changed.
And quite dramatically too.
Its kinda hard to explain the way you feel when you realise you have followed an eating plan for the last 6 weeks, almost to the letter. That you have planned every meal and every workout and stuck to it. That you have got up on the alarm every morning, eaten on time every time, weighed all food, counted every rep and followed all advice.
Its a strong feeling, its a feeling of control, of calm and of balance. There is a purpose to everything that I do and so therefore there is a reason to do everything. There are no questions anymore, no doubts and no insecurities. I know what I have to do and when I have to do it. I know that if I do it right I will get the results that I want and that if I don’t then I won’t. I know that what I get out is related to what I put in. In fact I know that the more I put in the more I get out, with seemingly infinite results.
Of course this is all related to the fact that I have a trainer that I trust and I am able to follow her advice and for anyone who is thinking of competing I would have to say that I think that is the most important thing. A good trainer will take out all of the guesswork and provide you with the routine and guidance that you need. Then all you have to do is add the determination and the motivation.
I have been amazed at all the little tricks I have used over the past few weeks to keep myself on track. the level of planning and preparation has been intense. There has not been a day go by that has not been planned by the hour. I have taken food with me wherever I go, I am constantly weighing and packaging food in boxes, washing the boxes and starting all over again.
Nothing has been impulsive. Thats not the go at the moment. Impulse has been put on the back burner. I will have to come back to that later. But part of me wonders whether I ever really will. Perhaps on holiday… But planning is so good! A planned day is so much more productive! Its incredible what gets done when its been planned in! Who knew I could workout 6 times a week and still have all my evenings free? Its truly staggering how much more time I have when I am now going to the gym more times a week than ever before! I honestly don’t want to go back to unplanned days.
Another thing I am going to cut out of my life is punishment for failing. I can see now that there is no need, because there is actually no failing. Of course cheating on the dieting is failing of a type but its more importanlty learning. With every naughty thing that I do I learn a little more about myself. And with everything I learn I get to like myself a little better too
I dunno its kinda like I have my back, you know – I am there for me when times get tough. If anything happend then I can rely on myself, I know that I am there for myself, I am my friend. An ally in an unfriendly world! he he!
I guess at the base of it I am doing this for me and making myself proud and its just a nice feeling.
I also now know that there are people close to me who don’t really want me to do this. I know that they won’t try to stop me but I do know that they don’t like my decision. Its a funny feeling to know that but in a way its empowering because it has shown me how much I want to do this when I am prepared to stick by myself and not give in to any outside pressure. This is the first time I can remember this happening and its already given me a strength I never knew I had. And a sureness of myself that was somehow missing. Ok so thats deep and maybe I will feel differently at the end of this, maybe I won’t want to compete again, maybe they will be right. Maybe.
But MAYBE just pushes me to try harder!
For me the motivation comes from wanting to do well. I would not be entering if I did not think I could have a chance of maybe even winning, I don’t want to just turn up. I want to know that I did my best and to see how that compares to everyone else.
I also know that I have told the world now and if I don’t follow through with this then I am going to be so embarrassed. How would I admit that I didn’t have the strength and motivation? Accountability in action!!
And also I get motivation from just wanting to see the changes in myself. Like what will my abs look like? How heavy will I be when I step on stage? What will I feel like during the cutting phase of the diet? How will I cope with cravings in the last few weeks?
Things are stepping up now, I am slowly cutting down on my carbs and calories, I am choosing what to wear and I am doing a lot of research on posing styles too. I am starting to get nervous and I am starting to get hungry. I know its going to be amazing tho and I know that whatever happens I can handle it, after all this was my decision and when I look at it that way its pretty easy to justify and get on with.
The changes have been so amazing so far and I can’t wait to see what else there is to come!